Parents: Borderline
In broad daylight, a child was breathing in life. Pureness shining within the eyes that formed crescents as it smiled upon seeing them. The child had the world in those little hands that couldn’t even spread wide just yet. By the very moment that child had inhaled, they took responsibility for everything the child needed from the first steps to the last. It was their duty to embrace the child with love; hold the child with sincerity; treat the child with utmost care and gentleness deserved.
However, as the child took those first steps until she could walk on her own — that was when everything started to change for her. When she could fully comprehend everything now, she could finally understand what life has to offer to every breathing child that did no harm. Some of them, the pillar, would take advantage of titles that they deemed to be grasped tightly — not even realizing that they were starting to suffocate and hurt their child. It was unfathomable at some point; the child understood a lot, but this was something she could not comprehend.
As the child grew taller and taller, things just became too high to reach and reckon. People would abuse what they have; they can turn apathetic to the things that were not opaque at all. And no matter how many strands of hair she pulled, no matter how many times she tried to open her mouth and spilled, no matter what she did — her lips have always remained sealed. The scribbles of black around her head continued to double their size and density, she looked into her parents’ eyes and found no door open for compassion.
What should a parent avoid doing and saying to their child? Our childhood is a significant stage in our life — it’s basically a game: you lose and you win. You discover things, you grip onto realizations. At the same time, fears and habits develop during these times as well. The things we see with naked eyes, the situations we witness, the words that forcefully enter our ears, and the tight hold of innocence are there until it loosens with each passing obstacle.
This precious child grew up surrounded by toxicity and broken pieces that stabbed her feet which caused her to bleed. However, during those awful times when she had to keep herself standing with those shaking legs, she endured the fire burning against her skin. Should a parent be saying this? She could not quite fathom the things they were doing. Should I receive such words like this from them? She wondered with glossy eyes.
Parents, first of all, should not misuse their roles in life. A mother, a father — they are a child’s model in life. If a parent cannot even treat the child with feather-like tenderness, how can a child expect the world to be the stark opposite? All begin at home. If there is no home, to begin with, a child may have trouble facing life with bravery. A parent should be the one building their child into a soldier that is ready for arrows and rocks — not the other way around.
Picture a mountain: Let’s start at the bottom that represents a child’s first stage in climbing through life. At the very surface of that slope, the childhood, words that can break a child should be avoided. Phrases that can ruin a child’s trust; words that can hurdle a child’s supposedly growing confidence; sentences that can dim a child’s young soul.
Do not blame your child for the difficulties you are facing. “You’re too much work,” should never be voiced out. A child should not be the one to sacrifice for the life they wish at such a young age, it’s the parents who are supposed to give a child the life they deserve. Do not ask a child what is wrong with them — do not judge your own child for being who they are. Do not tell them they are being too sensitive, or they are being too much responsibility, because, in the first place, it’s you who chose to gift this world with another blessing. Never tell your child you’re going to abandon them if they do something wrong — do not threaten your child. I’m sorry, I’m sorry that is what they would say just for you to assure them once again. Can’t they see the fear in those doe-eyes?
When a child reached half of that mountain, comparison comes into the way. Why must we contrast people? Why must we point out the things people do not want to hear? Wanting a child to be better should never be taken care of this way — a child needs support. They should feel like their parents are there and are not drowning them with disappointment. A parent should never carve any insecurities in their skin — it would cause a child to hide beneath their own sleeves. Who would save them from the suffocation when it’s their own parents pulling them down?
Children can develop insecurities during these times of their development. If during a mother’s pregnancy they were developing their bodies, then in real life when they are freely breathing, they are going to start molding themselves into a person they may or may not want to become based on the needles that sew their skins.
And when the child reached the peak, a parent should never be the one who would break their trust. Never say something you would do, yet in the end, you will only break your child like a promise. A child hopes, a child anticipates — “Clean the house for me and I’ll buy you your favorite,” but at the edge, a child stood in front of nothing but an empty cliff. And a parent should never, never, tell a child that they should have never been born. Every child deserves to breathe, and the parents were the ones who brought them to the world. Wishing that they never existed or never came to life would cause severity in a child’s trauma in words like those. Like the doodles and scribbles you see at the back of a notebook — the lines and sketches that are hard to unravel due to how hard it has been tangled — it’s hard to fathom their thoughts now. It can lead to emotional distress, and no prince on a white horse can save that.
Now, the child’s at the other side of the mountain after climbing through the first slope — it’s sunset and the yellow light was scattered around the wide canvas that was hanging up the vast stretch above her head. Yellow, yellow, yellow — euphoria and bliss. That is what a child should feel after a development along with their parents. Look into a child’s eyes, does it form crescents glistening in hope? Look at the curves in a child’s lips, is it wide and sincere? Did they never lose the spark they once had when they were born? Did a parent take good care of fragile hands that were depending on them? Did they?
Let us not treat a child in a way that they do not deserve. A child’s growth depends first on home and the parents, let us not take advantage of a little one who is yet to learn how to fly. Look into a child’s eyes. I trust you, a child trusts you. There is no greater inhumanity than ignoring the flickering spark in a child’s eyes.
Every child deserves a home, but sometimes, all over the world, there are homes that do not deserve a child at all.
Source: Hilton, C., ersen, & Booth, J. (2020, September 3). Parents Need To Erase These
Common Phrases From Their Vocabulary. Redbook.
8 Toxic Things Parents Say To their Children. (n.d.). Www.youtube.com. Retrieved
September 6, 2021, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GS_mATLF7BE&t=151s
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